Dear Mr. Haskins,

Thank you for contacting Crappy Computer Technical Support. I am concerned with the issue you are having with your computer and wish to resolve them very soon. I understand your concern regarding your laptop that shutdowns spontaneously. I will be glad to assist you but since I need to set up a service for your laptop. I would like to inform you that the information, which you have given, does not match with our records. (You don't say...)

My reply:

This email was sent to me after I filled out a request for warranty support
on my computer. However, I am not Mr. Haskins as the email is addressed to. Blah, blah, blah, providing correct contact information in detail, blah, blah.
Thank you,
Melissa K...

Their rely!

Dear Mr. Haskins,

Thank you for contacting Crappy Computer Technical Support.

Thank you for contacting Crappy Computer Technical Support. I apologize for the delay in response to your e-mail. We currently have a backlog of e-mails and are working hard to answer all of them in a timely manner.

I understand your concern regarding your system that is not recognizing the AC power and randomly switches to battery. Please be assured I am here to assist you.

Blah blah blah.

Mr. Haskins, we appreciate your patience in regards to this matter. If you have any further inquiries, you are welcome to write back to us. Blah, blah, blah, your inquiry number is 123456, blah, blah, blah.

Thank you for choosing Crappy Computer.

! ! ! Is this reply - where they still call me by the WRONG NAME - supposed to make me feel confident enough to pack up my $1500 piece of useless machinery and send it to them (via DHL on top of it - don't get me started...)??? ! ! !

AAAARRRRGGGHHH!!!!!