Can I stomach Crossroads?

I am watching Crossroads on Mtv for lack of anything else to watch and until I cannot stomach it any longer.

8:02 BS (Lucy) is dancing around in her tank top and boy underpants while singing to a Madonna song.

8:04 BS's dad just said she is the valedictorian. I don't find that believable.

8:07 BS is crying because she wasted her high school years studying. She never went to a football game, never stayed out late, etc.

8:08 BS is now mope-ing around at some party they are attending. So far in the movie BS has had 2 confrontations with nasty popular girls.

8:09 I have had all I can take. Time to flip the channel. OOOOh, oooh! I just found The Core again on Showtime! And as we know from a previous post, I do enjoy my ridiculous disaster movies.

Why I Don't Gamble

I have started posting some items for sale on eBay recently for my home business. I feel compelled to check my listings obsessively to see if I have any bids or even any hits on the pages or "watchers". I check it at least 15 times a day. This doesn't have anything to do with gambling, I just wanted to point out how obsessed I am with that.

The bidding is the "gambling" issue. I hate to lose. I hate losing while playing games and I hate losing while bidding on eBay. If I have bid on something I really want, I will sit and click reload for an hour before the auction ends, just to make sure I don't get outbid. Why, you ask, don't I just bid higher? Because I am cheap. I don't want to pay more than what I bid, but I also don't like to lose. You see my dilemma.

I've been to Vegas twice and only spent $0.05 on the slot machines. It makes me physically ill (0r could it be my severe allergy to cigarette smoke...) to put money into a machine and not get something - a gumball even- out instantly. I could never sit at one of those things and pump change into it for hours in the hope that I would get some trickle of nickels back. Those people make me sad. Anyway, with my obsessiveness on eBay, I would never allow myself to become involved in any other form of a gamble. I would have to play until I won - or more likely, until I ran us into bankruptcy.

QVC, Commercials, and Local News

A couple comments on a few TV related subjects.

I shall begin with QVC/HSN. I have never bought a thing from either channel, but I feel compelled to stop and watch every once in a while. A particular favorite product to watch (do they call them segments or shows?) is Quacker Factory - NOT because I would ever consider wearing any of the clothing offered, but because the creator of the line (Jeanne) horrifies me! She is a jovial, heavy lady - no big deal yet - who wears, every time I have ever seen her, a thick 80's style head band. Not the kind that goes over your head from ear to ear...the kind that goes over your eyebrows and around the back of your head. YIKES! And she is trying to sell me "style"? A link to a picture. I won't even go into my anti-embellishment of clothing. Do we really want bedazzled bumble bee's flying around leaving a stitch trail all over our tops?

Following the theme of creepy commercials on The Fount...
I agree with one commenter who said the Burger King "Wake up with the king" commercials are freaky. I don't know what I would do if I rolled over and cracked open an eye and saw that thing grinning at me - even if it was offering me food. One of my most hated commercials is probably local so I will recap it for you. Cable Company trashing the "dish" networks. It has this boob who had a dish but he had problems with keeping it installed. He claims the dish company told him to put the dish in a bucket of cement. "I live in an apartment, where am I going to mix cement?" Then he proceeds to build this elaborate bookshelf (in the apartment) to tie his dish onto out on his patio - which obviously didn't work, so he got cable. While I know this is a fictional incident, I feel compelled to yell at this boob every time I see the commercial. "You can build a shelving unit in your kitchen, but you can't pour some cement mix in a 5 gallon bucket and give it a stir! GIVE ME A BREAK! You are so stupid you deserve RABBIT EARS!"

And while on the subject of stupid people...ahhh, the local news. Now, I am not saying that the news personalities are stupid (right now, that will probably come in another post). It's the people they find to interview. CK and I have come up with a theory on this, which I will end this post with, but first I will explain my viewpoint. Why is it that the only people you ever see interviewed after an apartment building burns down or a car drives through a restaurant have the same features? Missing teeth, a mullet, a wife-beater T-shirt, overalls, and horrifically poor grammar (if they can string a sentence together at all!). I have lived in 4 different states in differnet parts of the US and have encountered this phenomenon in all locations (just with different regional accents). I conclude with the theory that anyone with an IQ above 75 knows better than to be interviewed by the local news and when they see the news van coming, they slowly back away into the crowd. Or better yet, they don't chase the ambulances in the first place!

A New Obsession?

Well, I hate to admit it, but I think I may have a new obsession...

Since I make dollhouse accessories for a living - or, rather, a tax deductible hobby - I decided that maybe I should try building and decorating a dollhouse, if only to display my products in a realistic setting for my website. Maybe I can write it off? I chose the Coventry Cottage for my first endeavor.

It was delivered today. Excitedly, I opened up the box and looked through the kit. It contains 12 or 13 pieces of pseudo-cut plywood, ready to be broken apart, sanded, painted, and glued. First, one must read the instructions - this is a step I often skip, usually ending in my taking apart, reading the instructions and putting back together the correct way. This time, I am following the instructions. They are a bit hairy because there are close to a billion pieces. Dollhouses are like giant puzzles. And off I go. I'm about 1/3 done and have invested about 5 hours so far.

I'll post progress report/pictures as I progress, but right now it's late, I'm tired, and I have two pretty painful hot glue gun burns (one on my right index - i.e. typing - finger and the other on my lower left wrist - exactly where my arm rests on the laptop), so I am off to bed.

Another Friday, Another Day Off

I recently cut back on my hours at my job and now have Wednesday and Friday off every week. I would like to say that I am using this time to keep my house clean and do yard work, but that is not so. Mostly, I putter on the computer, nap with the dog, or catch up on daytime tv.

Right now, the dog is in the recliner next to me with is legs straight (resting on the foot rest I put out for him) and his head resting (and hanging over) on the arm of the chair. When I reach over to pet him, his rear leg pops up for a tummy rub. Occassionally, his tail will swish and he will run in his sleep chasing one of the squirels that stand outside the glass door tormenting him while he is awake.

Why am I telling you this? No real reason. I am watching a show on Animal Planet called Growing Up Polar Bear and the orphaned polar bear featured reminds me of the dog. His (the bear's) favorite toy is a big blue plastic keg. Bookers favorite toy(s) is a plastic water bottle. When we give him the bottle he takes it an runs with joy, throwing it and kicking it for himself. The bear does the same thing with his keg.

The enclosure the polar bear is being moved to at the St-Félicien's Wild Zoo in Northern Canada is stunningly beatiful. I found an article about the bears. It has a live webcam. (woo hoo!). I've added this to my list of places I want to visit.

Show's over, Star Trek TNG starting, so I shall sign off.

For your amusement...

Experpts from a forwarded email that I got today. In accordance to my rule noted in Pet Peeves I will not follow #20 and forward the email to all my friends, but I will post these select few for you to enjoy. I took out the ones I thought were too stupid. These were the ones that made me - at minimum, smile - at times laugh out loud. Enjoy.

Title: "20 Ways to Keep Your Sanity"
1. At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it “IN”.
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
11. Specify that your drive-through order be, “to go”.
14. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.
16. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name.
17. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream, “I won! I won!”.
18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling, “run for your lives, they’re loose!”

I give people too much credit...

As I am sure I have stated somewhere on this site, I have taken on a family business recently. We (I guess "I" now, since I am the only one doing it anymore) make miniature dollhouse picture frames. I have tried to make my website as user-friendly and easy to navigate and understand as I can. I have also tried to make it ABUNDANTLY clear that what I am selling is 1/12 scale, i.e. not very big.

This weekend I had a person email me and ask if I provided the glass for the frames. I replied by saying that the frames themselves are only 1/8" deep and the inlay for the art is only 3/64". The prospective customer continued to ask questions and placed an order yesterday. Shortly after this customer placed the order they emailed back and said they just noticed that the frames were 1/12 scale, thought they were full sized frames, that explains the price, please cancel the order.

[sigh] ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! A 16 x 20 frame for $1.80 is indeed quite a bargain. It was not a problem to cancel the order. What amazes me is that I plainly stated in an email directly to the person experiencing the confusion that the product is only 1/8" deep, that is as thick as a... Nickel, and yet the prospective customer didn't pick up on the miniature part of the situation.

Enough with the rant...I spend this morning tweaking the website to make it even more obvious that my frames are tiny. I put a penny in each picture so there can't...uh, shouldn't, be any more confusion.

In case you are interested: www.dollhouseframes.com

Perspective

It is funny how your perspectives on things differ depending on your surroundings. As mentioned in my "About Me" section, I work in the office of a large insect farm. We grow and ship millions of bugs (one type) every week.

Today, when I strayed out of my "bug-free" zone to go to the bathroom, I was struck by an oddity in the bathroom. A blue sequin was sitting on the bathroom floor surrounded by living and dead bugs. The normal person might find the oddity to be the living and dead bugs. Not so. Here at the farm, that is the norm. On any given day, you could be joined by a dozen to a hundred bugs while going to the bathroom (closed toed shoes are a plus!). The oddity was the blue sequin. Most (all) blue collar farm employees do not have sequins on their clothing. Odd.

The Hunt, Llama, Yoda, and The Dog

Not much to blog about recently. Last weekend we went to 4 different stores looking for a Dirt Devil #9 belt so I could vaccum the piles of dog hair deposited daily by Booker The Dog. Never found the belts, but I did find a 6 inch llama at World Market. I by no means needed the llama but felt compelled to spend $13 on an item that said "Not a toy" on the label. It sits on our TV watching us right now.

Along with the belt hunt, CK has felt compelled to get a mini Yoda figurine from Burger King. Three kids meals later (each - over the course of 3 days)he finally got his mini Yoda (who does flips) tonight. When he asked the lady if they had Yoda tonight, she looked at him and said, flustered, "I...I have no idea what you are taling about." She looked around frantically and after she didn't understand his explanation she looked for a pictoral overview of all the toys so he could point to the one he wanted. She was more amused than annoyed. My question. WHO DOESN'T know who Yoda is!?

I have no comments on Booker The Dog, that will come another day. I just wanted to share some pictures. :) Enjoy.

Booker the Dog

Love is in the air...

Well, spring has finally shown up for a few days in Michigan. On Monday and Tuesday we had snow (very light, but none-the-less). Today it was in the 70's.

What does this have to do with the title? This morning when I let the dog out the back door, he rushed down the stairs, barking like crazy at a large swan that was hanging out in the yard. Oh, by the way, we live on a lake so larger birds in our yard is not so uncommon, but usually it is a gaggle of geese or a lone blue heron, the swans prefer the other side of the lake. In 3 and a half years this is the first swan to hang out in our yard.

Back to the title. Oddly, the swan waddled off and hung out close to the shore staring him (the dog) down. The dog lost interest and went about his normal business and yet the swan remained. We (the dog and me) were intrigued so I grabbed the binoculars and headed upstairs to watch from above. About an hour later (I was reading a book and watching, I don't normally just sit and stare out the window at large fowl) a second swan floated up.

He, too, waddled out of the water, again absolutely unheard of on this side of the lake, and strutted towards the first beast. She seemed shy and waddled towards the yard next door. Mr. Swan, with his feathers ruffled like a peacock (though not as long and flamboyant) diligently followed.

I know you expect me to go into some graphic and yet amusing anecdote about swan love, but you are going to be disappointed. Like a Disney movie, they waddled behind a large burn pile of yard waste and hung out for a while. Twenty minutes later Mr. Swan waddled his way back to the water and floated away. What happened behind the burn pile, we (the dog, me, and now you) will never know, but I can tell you that I didn't hear any slurps similar to those made by Joe Millionaire and the blonde lady with the foot fetish videos.

Happy Spring!

Con

It is after midnight and I am too lazy go get up and go to bed so I am watching a show on Comedy Central called Con. I find the show slightly offensive for several reasons.

1.) The local news felt the need to have a ridiculous story about the show because the "star" (please read in as much sarcasm as you wish) is a "Grand Rapids native".

2.) "West Michigan native, so-and-so" is making a living out of scamming as many people, places, businesses, etc as he can - all while being followed around by (and talking directly to) a Comedy Central camera. Much of what he does is what I would consider stealing and lying.

3.) During the credits, in tiny print, it states that Comedy Central reimburses the people involved. I.E. They've just been Punked, not Conned. Although, I supposed they were Conned, for a few minutes, before the producer trailed behind the "West Michigan Native" to pay for all the things he stole or pay the people who were "hired" to work a job and ended up wasting their time and making fools of themselves.

I am obviously not impressed...yet, I continue to watch, because now I am committed for the 3o minutes to see how it ends. [[curse-ed laziness!]]

Obsessions, Compulsions, and Pet-Peeves

One of my bigger pet-peeves is FW:emails. Part of the reason I hate them (is that strong for a pet-peeve?) is > > > > > > > > >

I find it intolerable to read a message with 15 > in front of each pseudo sentence, usually followed by every other line containing only 1 or two words because the formatting has been so corrupted.

If I do feel the need to actually read one, which is rare, I HAVE to (this is the compulsion/obsession part) cut and paste it into Word and fix all of the formatting issues to make it readable. For example, this morning I received a Dr. Phil Quiz from a co-worker. My interest was piqued, so I ctrl-A, ctrl-V and start my reformatting. Once the quiz was in the suitable format (25 minutes later) I proceeded to take the quiz, scoring a 35 - which was pretty fitting to my personality. Did I forward it on? Absolutely not.

Which brings me to my next pet-peeve: I don't care if lightning strikes me dead the moment I delete it, I WILL NOT forward it to 10 people to save myself from the terrible things a pseudo-spam threatens me with. Do people actually think that a train will crash into their house if they delete an email from the inbox? Give me a break.

My final pet-peeve of the evening: "I don't normally forward these, but..." Puh-lease! If that is the case, clean it up and send it as it's own email with a nice bit of personal correspondence working up to the followup of pseudo-spam.

Oh, the irony. While composing this blog I just received FW: FW: FW: A NEW WAY OF CAR JACKING to warn me about the dangers of windshield fliers. Will I "Please keep this circulating, caution to women especially."? Of course not.

Only The Lonely...

I have the night to myself, CK is out of town. I feel like I should be doing something exciting or wild, being suddenly single. I am almost let down with myself for not. Tonight was my final for the previously mentioned class I am taking. I am wrapping up my evening by blogging (obviously), sharing fat-free pretzels and hummus with the dog, watching CSI, and maybe - just maybe - I will Dance Dance Revolution for a little while. I have become so boring...

On another note, I recently downloaded Mozilla Firefox as an alternate web browser. I am finding it quite nice and highly recommend it. I am finding that I have far less spyware that gets installed. Granted, I don't go to "questionable" sites, but none-the-less, my 4 spyware detectors are coming up dry where they used to come up with 6-10 on every run.

I am off to dance...

Dancing Queen

Yesterday CK and I purchased Dance Dance Revolution. The thought was that this will be a fun way for us to get out of the recliners and actually exercise. And boy-oh-boy were we correct.

So... I have zero - and I mean zero - rhythm and coordination. I have trouble Sweatin' to the Oldies. I also have a strong anti-humiliation drive. After attempting a few steps with CK in the room I had to ask him to go downstairs and play on his computer for a half hour. Now, alone in the room with a VERY perplexed dog, I begin the tutorial. I actually am enjoying this.

I finished tutorials 1 and 2 and played a game (passing all 3 rounds with a D). By now I am Sweatin like the oldie that I am (30) and I have to admit, this will be much easier to do and enjoy than Yoga for Dummies (bought it and did it once) or Walk Away the Pounds (bought it and did it twice).

I'll let you know if I Dance Dance on a regular basis. Maybe I have found a workout I can enjoy!

jIyajbe'

For those of you who don't speak Klingon (myself included) the title means "I don't understand."

I have often pondered the mindset of "Trekkies". While I think it would be interesting to know a few phrases in Klingon, I can't imagine spending my every waking moment creating the perfect outfit for the next convention. I do catch myself watching Star Trek: The Next Generation whenever I flip past any channel that it is playing. Marathons can keep me parked in a recliner for the duration, but I wouldn't consiter myself to be Trekkie.

Now, I am watching Access Hollywood for lack of anything else on the television. They are doing a story about Star Wars and I am faced with the same "jIyajbe'" Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the movies and am looking forward to the next movie coming out. My question, what makes a person go to a convention and dress up like a character from a film? On man had a costume on that he said took him 3 (!) years to make. All I can do is shake my head.

pItlh.

The Naked Truth III

Last night was our last class of figure drawing. To my disappointment, our model pulled a no-call, no-show. I say "to my disappointment" because I was starting to enjoy tormenting everyone I know by showing them my drawings of the naked lady.

Unfortunately, we were not off-the-hook by the model being MIA. Our instructor decided she would stand in as our model. (gasp). Fortunately, she kept her clothes on for the experience. (whew).

Next week is the final - we have to draw more bare skin, but this time it is only the skin of an apple.

TTFN (as my friend Lisa from high school used to say)

The Naked Truth II

Second night of our figure drawing.

This week I had issues because we (the class) are on a first name basis with The Model. Last week I had no trouble drawing everything, except her face. My psychoanalysis of this is that by drawing her face I am making her a real person. This week, now that we are calling her by name, I had trouble even looking at her - for fear of meeting her eye. My psychoanalysis of this is that in my mind if I looked at her she would suddenly realize she WAS NAKED in front of 25 people and be embarrassed. (Ridiculous, I know).

I still managed to do the required drawings (and well done, if I do say so myself) but I had a slow start. Only one more naked night to go and then we are back to the apple. (Whew).

The Family Business

Back in the "olden days" the surname of a family was based on what the family did for a living. What does it mean when you Google your last name, just to see what comes up, and you get link after link of...Dutch porn?

A few years ago, when I had a few minutes to mindlessly search the web for something to look at, I encountered just this when I typed in my maiden name. Does this mean that my ancestors were affluent in the porn business back in the day?

It certainly would be fitting, I suppose, since we recently cleaned out my grandfather's house after he passed away and found his sizable stash of nudie movies (and not the Skinimax type either). Maybe he was carrying on the family legacy.

I, for one, am not carrying on this legacy in any shape or form - just in case you were concerned. For those of you who are curious - Billen.

Surfing

I am channel surfing to find something to watch. It is Saturday around 1:00 and there is nothing but a steaming pile of crap on TV.

On Spike TV I have found a red headed WEEPING boxer on what I assume is The Contender. Oh, actually it is The Ultimate Fighter Marathonl, my bad. Apparently he is so emotionally scarred by what another meat-head said to him that he is weeping uncontrollably and decided to sleep outside because he cannot face the other meat-heads. The others become intoxicated and further antagonize him by hosing him down while he sleeps. He is (understandably) enraged, just before I changed the channel, he broke a door down because it was apparently not allowing him entry. [[click]] Testosterone overdose.

On VH1 they are showing Showgirls, again. The program director must have a thing for "Mamma" as Slater called her on Saved by the Bell. I don't even want to waste my time typing about how awful this movie is. The hightlights: the fake clothes VH1 has "photoshopped" onto the strippers, Tre from Sex in the City with a very interesting hairdo. [[click]]

On all news channels, CNN, Headline News, Fox News, MSNBC, etc. we have the Royal Wedding Recap. [[click]]

HGTV, Discovery, and TLC all have some home improvement show on. No thanks. [[click]]

MTV we have Real World 23 or is it Road Rules 20 or is it Inferno 10? Anyway, we have a red team and a black team. They are standing on a 4x4 plank over water taking off and putting on each others clothes. We have men in bikini's and tank tops. Hmmm. [[click]]

TBS has Back to the Future 1, 2, or 3. [[click]]

Sports channel [[click]]
Sports channel [[click]]
Sports channel [[click]]
Lifetime, Linda Hamilton crying. [[click]]
Nick, Sponge Bob. [[CLICK!]]
Food Network, Low Carb and Lovin' it. [[double click]]

I supposed I could turn it off and do something productive...Nah, I'll just watch the Weather Channel.

[[click]]