1. I have blond hair.
2. I have blue eyes.
3. My favorite song is “The Boxer” by Simon & Garfunkle. I listen to it on repeat, sometimes for hours. It is repeating right now.
4. I have worked at a cricket farm.
5. I have worked at Six Flags.
6. I have worked at Subway.
7. I have worked at a summer camp as a camp counselor and art director.
8. I have worked in a library.
9. I have worked at a bookstore.
10. I have worked as a carhop at Sonic.
11. I have worked at a credit union.
12. I have worked at a hospital.
13. I have worked in a mall.
14. I have worked at a deli.
15. I have worked in a toy store.
16. I have worked as a barista (it wasn’t called that then).
17. Numbers 13-16 were all the same store.
18. I have worked as a paperboy. (Papergirl, actually.)
19. I have worked at home for a medical transcription company.
20. I have had a job since I was 14.
21. I have always worked at a job until I moved to another town or state.
22. I have been to college in three different states – and still don’t have a diploma.
23. My major in college was Geology.
24. I was born in Wisconsin.
25. I learned to swim before I could walk.
26. I had a hamster with no front legs once. (Tragic accident with the fan in the heater). He lived for several years sans limbs.
27. I raised guinea pigs as a child.
28. I still know (and recite) my phone number and address of the house I lived in when I was 8. [244-0304 & 3801 Dawes].
29. I was stage manager for Hello, Dolly in high school.
30. I ran spotlights for A Chorus Line and Big River.
31. I ran the counter weights (curtains) for A Pajama Game.
32. I was stage manager for Into The Woods.
33. I was stage manager for the Miss Kenosha pageant (twice) while in high school.
34. I draw. (Quite well from what I am told).
35. I also paint, but don’t like it as much.
36. I have lived in 4 different states.
37. I went to a Catholic high school.
38. Religion class was the only class I have every gotten a D in.
39. I own my own business.
40. I make miniature picture frames.
41. I had rats as pets as a teenager.
42. I used to love Guns-n-Roses.
43. I have designed and maintain three websites. Here, here, and here.
44. I did the entire photo editing work on all three sites.
45. I know how to belly dance.
46. I lived 30 minutes from Mexico for 4 years and never crossed the border.
47. I left the US for the first time last year – to Canada.
48. My favorite ice cream is Haagen Dazs Rocky Road.
49. I have lived on a closed military base. We (me and CK) lived in the officer’s quarters. (They were converted into townhouses).
50. I have lived in a trailer park (twice).
51. I didn’t realize that I grew up as “white trash” until I was 29. I was shocked.
52. I have one sister.
53. My sister didn’t realize she grew up as “white trash” until she was 26. She was just as shocked.
54. I have been married since 1998.
55. We got married in May, in New Mexico.
56. It was 105 degrees on the day of our wedding. The wedding was outside.
57. I made my wedding dress.
58. I made my sister’s bridesmaid dress.
59. I baked and decorated my own wedding cake.
60. I made all the flower arrangements for my own wedding.
61. I will pay my unborn children to elope when they decide to get married.
62. I made my own prom dress.
63. My dad is a nuclear physicist.
64. My mother is pretty nuts. (Really, I am not just being mean.)
65. I grew up with my mother (thus the “white trash”).
66. My first car was a Pacer. It was maroon. I don’t know what year it was.
67. I also have owned an AMC Concord. It was brown.
68. I had another car, which was a Mercury Topaz. It was reddish. I named it Chuck (bought it a Charles Motors).
69.I frequently listen to music from the 80’s and 90’s.
70. I was born with a dislocated hip and a full head of hair.
71. I have had stitches on my chin, under my left eye, and on my right pinkey.
72. I have a large scar on my right hand from when I put my hand thru a window (on accident, I was only 7).
73. I have a scar on my left palm in the shape of a V from playing with a pair of sewing sheers.
74. I have a scar on the top of my left hand from a hot glue gun that was left on (in high school while I was cleaning up after stage crew). I had to let the hot glue cool before I could pull it off my skin.
75. I have gravel in my knee from a rollerblading accident (needless to say, I also have scars on both knees from that).
76. I have a scar on my right index finger from a dog bite.
77. I know that you can get a golf cart over 12 mph if you are going downhill.
78. I also know that that is dangerous.
79. I broke my back (chip fracture) from falling off of a golf cart.
80. I have moderate psoriasis.
81. I am allergic to fleabites and bee stings.
82. I hate swimming with fish.
83. I hate swimming in lakes because I can’t see what is lurking below me (i.e. fish).
84. I have a black german shepherd mix named Booker.
85. I have a white and blond husky mix named Chewie.
86. I have a silver and white cockatiel named Cecil. It is a she.
87. I have a South African Leopard Tortoise. His name is Echo (spelled out on his shell in his markings) but we call him Mr. T.
88. I once had a dog that was allergic to pork.
89. He also had a bad heart.
90. And stones in his bladder.
91. And one brown eye, one blue eye.
92. He was a Dalmatian and we loved him very much even though he cost us about $2000 a year.
93. I used to play the violin.
94. I can’t read music; I had to memorize all the songs.
95. I was still first chair in 8th grade.
96. I have been a clown in parades. (Once again, back to the crazy mother).
97. I have eaten dog food. Fortunately, I was too young to remember.
98. I have eaten quail eggs and sea cucumber. I thought they were mushrooms and noodles, respectively. Unfortunately, I remember these.
99. I really like playing The Sims (2) and Runescape.
100. I have a giant paper mosquito hanging in my office.
101. This list only took me about an hour.
Friday, March 03, 2006
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
Ahhh, nap time.
This is probably going to turn into a "mommy blog", so if you don't care, don't read. :)
Nap time. One cannot appreciate this phrase until one has a puppy (or a baby, from what I have heard). I only work 3 days a week outside of the house so on the other 4, I am the puppy entertainment. Two of those days, it is just me and Booker because CK gets to escape to work. On these days, Booker and I look forward to 11:30 because that is when the puppy is starting to slow down. As soon as he closes his eyes for a few seconds, I wisk him into his sleeping crate in our bedroom, turn off the light, shut the door, and lower the tv to about 6 so he can sleep until about 2:00.
This not only gives the puppy some rest, it gives Booker some Mom-time and me time to pick up the house, do dishes, take a shower, and not clean up pee.
I have decided that having a puppy is far more work than having a baby (once again, from what I have heard). Having a baby is going to be no sweat! Babies are immobile for many months and potty into handy receptacles! They also don't have razor teeth which they use to play with your hand/toe/shoe/pants/cheek/chin/nose...
Ahh, nap time. The clock is ticking, I have less than an hour left, so I better get something done.
Nap time. One cannot appreciate this phrase until one has a puppy (or a baby, from what I have heard). I only work 3 days a week outside of the house so on the other 4, I am the puppy entertainment. Two of those days, it is just me and Booker because CK gets to escape to work. On these days, Booker and I look forward to 11:30 because that is when the puppy is starting to slow down. As soon as he closes his eyes for a few seconds, I wisk him into his sleeping crate in our bedroom, turn off the light, shut the door, and lower the tv to about 6 so he can sleep until about 2:00.
This not only gives the puppy some rest, it gives Booker some Mom-time and me time to pick up the house, do dishes, take a shower, and not clean up pee.
I have decided that having a puppy is far more work than having a baby (once again, from what I have heard). Having a baby is going to be no sweat! Babies are immobile for many months and potty into handy receptacles! They also don't have razor teeth which they use to play with your hand/toe/shoe/pants/cheek/chin/nose...
Ahh, nap time. The clock is ticking, I have less than an hour left, so I better get something done.
Friday, December 30, 2005
Monday, November 14, 2005
30% Chance
Sigh. There is a 30% chance of snow showers predicted for several days this coming week. Is it that time already? Sigh.
Thursday, October 20, 2005
Please! MAKE IT STOP!
So, as stated in several posts, I work at an insect farm. Crickets to be more exact. I work in the office so I normally don't have much contact with the actual bugs. Occasionally, we'll get one or two that sneaks in and starts making noise, but it is quickly tracked down and thrown out the back door. Until recently. This past week the noise has been nearly intolerable. I HATE the sound of crickets. The incessant chirping is like nails on a chalk board to me.
Somehow, we have hundreds in the office. Apparently all adults because they are calling to each other from one corner to another. They hang out on warm spots, like the power supplies for our computers, printers, etc. Out of desperation, I just spent 25 minutes with a dust buster trying to vacuum the ones I could reach. Then I sprayed Lysol in their hiding spots. I normally try to avoid stepping on them at all costs (the snap they make as your shoe crushes them is quite disturbing), but today I have been stomping on them whenever they dare to brave the open carpet.
It is a bit quieter now. Only a handful are chirping. Hopefully, they won't work up to the dull roar they were sustaining a half hour ago.
2:00 Update: So, the Lysol and vacuuming created only a temporary repreve. They are back to chirping at nearly full volume and I am stomping on any that come out of hiding. Glad I only work 3 days a week!! We need weather stripping flaps on the doors to the office to keep them from having free access in - I have suggested this to the office manager this afternoon... We'll see...
Somehow, we have hundreds in the office. Apparently all adults because they are calling to each other from one corner to another. They hang out on warm spots, like the power supplies for our computers, printers, etc. Out of desperation, I just spent 25 minutes with a dust buster trying to vacuum the ones I could reach. Then I sprayed Lysol in their hiding spots. I normally try to avoid stepping on them at all costs (the snap they make as your shoe crushes them is quite disturbing), but today I have been stomping on them whenever they dare to brave the open carpet.
It is a bit quieter now. Only a handful are chirping. Hopefully, they won't work up to the dull roar they were sustaining a half hour ago.
2:00 Update: So, the Lysol and vacuuming created only a temporary repreve. They are back to chirping at nearly full volume and I am stomping on any that come out of hiding. Glad I only work 3 days a week!! We need weather stripping flaps on the doors to the office to keep them from having free access in - I have suggested this to the office manager this afternoon... We'll see...
Thursday, September 22, 2005
Blogger! Hear my plea!
Spell Checker that checks automatically before posting! I write my posts, publish them, re-read them, get an email from CK telling me of the misspellings, and have to go edit and republish them because I forget to spell check.
Spelling has never been my forte (phortae, fortay, fourtay). Sigh.
Spelling has never been my forte (phortae, fortay, fourtay). Sigh.
The Move
We finally moved into our new house yesterday. I think I am too tired to be excited. Give me a few days. We (CK and I) are big procrastinators so we were up until 2:00 am on Tuesday night/Wednesday morning doing last minute packing - until we ran out of boxes. We got most of the heavy/large/important things packed for the movers to move. We still have to go pack some of the kitchen dishes and small appliances, a couple lamps, and the tortoise's 4 foot abode (he is now residing in a very cramped 5 gallon aquarium), but that will wait until tomorrow.
Tonight, we are going to pick the dog up from the pup resort, order some take-out (we are now in delivery areas!!), find a recliner, and watch TV until we fall asleep in the chairs and the dog wakes us up by throwing his water or food dish at us for a refill.
Tonight, we are going to pick the dog up from the pup resort, order some take-out (we are now in delivery areas!!), find a recliner, and watch TV until we fall asleep in the chairs and the dog wakes us up by throwing his water or food dish at us for a refill.
Friday, September 16, 2005
"Is that Ron Jeremy?"
Continuing on our trip to the dreaded Kenosha , WI
Our other required stop during this trip is Villa de Carlos. This is a family owned pizza place down by the shores ofLake Michigan . LB and I grew up eating their pizza and have found it difficult to find any that we like as much (LB lives in Chicago
The dining ambiance and decor is a bit hard to describe. They strive to keep the decorations seasonal, for example, we had a fall theme going during this visit. Additionally, they have the "ol' standby" decorations. The massive amounts of twinkle lights everywhere, the faux birds hanging from the ceiling, the occasional baby deer curled up in a pseudo forest in the corner, and so on.
It is almost always busy. Our wait this evening was estimated to be 45 minutes - and it was already after 8 P.M. After only 25 minutes, we were seated in a horseshoe booth under a canopy of faux forsythia (fauxsythia?) and tree branches. The table is covered in butcher paper and they provide crayons for your dining entertainment. We don't need to look at the menu because LB and I ALWAYS get the same thing. We start with a combo-basket of fried cheese, mushrooms, cheese, zucchini, and did I say cheese? And our pizza is always a hand-tossed pizza with mushrooms, zucchini, and tomato slices. YUM!
As we dined on our fried cheese we observed the crowd in the restaurant. We saw the mullet, the big 80's hair, the blue eye liner, more metal band t-shirts, the lingerie ladies now wear as a shirt (or skirt), the waitress in a tennis skirt, I could continue. It really is like stepping back in time. Anyway, about the time we got our pizza CK looked up and said, "Is that Ron Jeremy?" LB and I turned and gawked. Standing below the array of twinkle lights was a man wearing a tuxedo t-shirt who looked very much like the infamous Ron Jeremy. For those of you wondering, "Who is this man she refers to?” he is a "star" of not-so-nice films. We know him from VH1's show The Surreal Life. Needlesstosay, it was not. Although we were compelled to grab the camera phone and snap a picture so we could blog about it! The pic also shows a little bit of the decor. Enjoy. :)
Our other required stop during this trip is Villa de Carlos. This is a family owned pizza place down by the shores of
The dining ambiance and decor is a bit hard to describe. They strive to keep the decorations seasonal, for example, we had a fall theme going during this visit. Additionally, they have the "ol' standby" decorations. The massive amounts of twinkle lights everywhere, the faux birds hanging from the ceiling, the occasional baby deer curled up in a pseudo forest in the corner, and so on.
It is almost always busy. Our wait this evening was estimated to be 45 minutes - and it was already after 8 P.M. After only 25 minutes, we were seated in a horseshoe booth under a canopy of faux forsythia (fauxsythia?) and tree branches. The table is covered in butcher paper and they provide crayons for your dining entertainment. We don't need to look at the menu because LB and I ALWAYS get the same thing. We start with a combo-basket of fried cheese, mushrooms, cheese, zucchini, and did I say cheese? And our pizza is always a hand-tossed pizza with mushrooms, zucchini, and tomato slices. YUM!
As we dined on our fried cheese we observed the crowd in the restaurant. We saw the mullet, the big 80's hair, the blue eye liner, more metal band t-shirts, the lingerie ladies now wear as a shirt (or skirt), the waitress in a tennis skirt, I could continue. It really is like stepping back in time. Anyway, about the time we got our pizza CK looked up and said, "Is that Ron Jeremy?" LB and I turned and gawked. Standing below the array of twinkle lights was a man wearing a tuxedo t-shirt who looked very much like the infamous Ron Jeremy. For those of you wondering, "Who is this man she refers to?” he is a "star" of not-so-nice films. We know him from VH1's show The Surreal Life. Needlesstosay, it was not. Although we were compelled to grab the camera phone and snap a picture so we could blog about it! The pic also shows a little bit of the decor. Enjoy. :)
Friday, September 09, 2005
Returning home.
This weekend we are going to Kenosha, Wisconsin. I always have mixed emotions about returning to the town where I lived from 6th grade until I graduated high school and moved away for college and never moved back.
Anyone who has visited or lived and left Kenosha knows that it sometimes can seem like you have stepped back in time. Located halfway between Milwaukee and Chicago, one would think the city would be progressing with current times; then they try to find a radio station that plays music dating past 1990. Any given day, you can drive around town and see black metal t-shirts, mullets, and long "80's hair band" hair. I find it creepy.
On the other hand, the city has done many things to improve the area and make it quite nice. The downtown area has gone from hobo-lane (as it was when I was young) to a very quaint, nice area. The lake and marina area has been improved and is unrecognizable to what I am used to.
That said, I look forward to Carl's Pizza and The Spot fried mushrooms and cheese (ahh, Wisconsin fried cheese). We are going to the Keno drive-in theater tonight (this could be fun or just too weird - we'll see).
You are probably wondering why we are going in the first place (the pizza is my favorite, but that isn't the main reason). We are going to see my grandma who is in the advanced stages of Alzheimer's. She doesn't really know who we are, but we visit because it makes her happy to have visitors.
So, we (me and my sister) return to the dreaded Kenosha.
Anyone who has visited or lived and left Kenosha knows that it sometimes can seem like you have stepped back in time. Located halfway between Milwaukee and Chicago, one would think the city would be progressing with current times; then they try to find a radio station that plays music dating past 1990. Any given day, you can drive around town and see black metal t-shirts, mullets, and long "80's hair band" hair. I find it creepy.
On the other hand, the city has done many things to improve the area and make it quite nice. The downtown area has gone from hobo-lane (as it was when I was young) to a very quaint, nice area. The lake and marina area has been improved and is unrecognizable to what I am used to.
That said, I look forward to Carl's Pizza and The Spot fried mushrooms and cheese (ahh, Wisconsin fried cheese). We are going to the Keno drive-in theater tonight (this could be fun or just too weird - we'll see).
You are probably wondering why we are going in the first place (the pizza is my favorite, but that isn't the main reason). We are going to see my grandma who is in the advanced stages of Alzheimer's. She doesn't really know who we are, but we visit because it makes her happy to have visitors.
So, we (me and my sister) return to the dreaded Kenosha.
Monday, September 05, 2005
Labor Day Grilling
A few years back, my mother moved in with us for 6 months. This is a long story which I won't get into here, but let it just be said that it was not a pleasant situation. My mother is a compulsive hoarder. After she had moved out (and I use this term loosely, since most of her junk still resided in my pole barn) my sister and I spent a weekend sorting (i.e. throwing most everything out) her 2,500 lbs (literally, the movers weighed it) of junk that was still being stored in the barn. Upon our sorting, we came across this bag [shown below].
Now that I am moving and we spent another weekend sorting through the rest of her stuff and weeding out our own, I ran across the bag again and thought it needed to be shared.
Have a hot dog on me for Labor Day.
Now that I am moving and we spent another weekend sorting through the rest of her stuff and weeding out our own, I ran across the bag again and thought it needed to be shared.
Have a hot dog on me for Labor Day.
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
I am disgusted.
During this tragic cleanup of the aftermath of hurricane Katrina, I am absolutely disgusted watching videos of people looting the deserted stores. I guess I am not surprised that it is happening, just saddened that these people care more about themselves than other human beings who are trapped, injured, and dying within walking distance. On every news channel you watch people laugh and celebrate as they ROB a store while being videotaped. The latest video showed two police officers participating! It turns my stomach and I hope in the years to come at least some of these people can be brought to justice from the videos. Especially the cops.
That said, I should add that our thoughts and prayers are with the rest of the people who have been affected by this storm (including my sister-in-law in Mobile, AL and my other sister-in-law in Birmingham, AL and their families).
That said, I should add that our thoughts and prayers are with the rest of the people who have been affected by this storm (including my sister-in-law in Mobile, AL and my other sister-in-law in Birmingham, AL and their families).
Friday, August 26, 2005
Against my better judgment...
In a previous post I ranted about forwarded emails. I am breaking my rule today an posting one which I just received. Having recently had a similar experience, (although not in the same "area" as the one in the story, thankfully) I found it hilarious.
You must be forewarned, it is a bit graphic, but not in a dirty way.
One Woman's Tale of Woe
All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epi-lady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax.
My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, and play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet." So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)
So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax," yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinary.
With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the was strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my vagina and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!
I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GOODNESS!!!!!!!!! Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP!! Everything is swirly and spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.
I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!
There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX??? Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip!
I touch.
I am touching wax.
CRAP! I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair.
Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.
OH NO!!!!!!!! I hear the slamming of a cell door. Vagina? Sealed shut!
Butt?? Sealed shut!
I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!" What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right??? *WRONG!!!!!!!*
I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.
Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.
So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cement-epoxied myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!
I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter - "So, my butt and who-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"
There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or hole or who-ha?"
She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.
While we go through various solutions. I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!
By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.
My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOODNESS!!!!!!!
The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, l but I really don't care. "IT WORKS!! It works!!" I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up.
I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.
You must be forewarned, it is a bit graphic, but not in a dirty way.
One Woman's Tale of Woe
All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epi-lady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax.
My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, and play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet." So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)
So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax," yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinary.
With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the was strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my vagina and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!
I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GOODNESS!!!!!!!!! Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP!! Everything is swirly and spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.
I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!
There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX??? Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip!
I touch.
I am touching wax.
CRAP! I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair.
Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.
OH NO!!!!!!!! I hear the slamming of a cell door. Vagina? Sealed shut!
Butt?? Sealed shut!
I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!" What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right??? *WRONG!!!!!!!*
I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.
Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.
So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cement-epoxied myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!
I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter - "So, my butt and who-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"
There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or hole or who-ha?"
She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.
While we go through various solutions. I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!
By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.
My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOODNESS!!!!!!!
The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, l but I really don't care. "IT WORKS!! It works!!" I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up.
I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Should I be concerned?
This is a label I found enclosed with a little plastic mat I use for cutting frames. I guess since I don't live in California and I don't intend to eat the mat, I can reserve my concern for something more important.
Has it really been a month?
Wow, how time flies. I haven't dumped the blog, I've just been quite busy. Not that it matters, since only about 5 people read this anyway (and 4 are relatives).
What's keeping me busy?
1.) Frame orders. I've been working on another order of 300.
2.) My real job. Selling bugs takes time.
3.) We are buying a house (my exciting news from a previous post). It is closer to work for both of us and Mr. B will have his own fenced yard to low-butt-run to his heart's desire.
4.) Relating to #3, I am trying to get the house packed. We move in less than a month and I refuse to procrastinate until the last minute (like I normally do).
I'll try to keep on top of my musings for my loyal fans. :)
What's keeping me busy?
1.) Frame orders. I've been working on another order of 300.
2.) My real job. Selling bugs takes time.
3.) We are buying a house (my exciting news from a previous post). It is closer to work for both of us and Mr. B will have his own fenced yard to low-butt-run to his heart's desire.
4.) Relating to #3, I am trying to get the house packed. We move in less than a month and I refuse to procrastinate until the last minute (like I normally do).
I'll try to keep on top of my musings for my loyal fans. :)
Friday, July 22, 2005
Oh, Please Stop!
A quote from Moviefone Guy on Headline News in reference to the new movie Hustle and Flow: "That movie is the shiznit and it will keep them krumping in the streets, yo." It pains me to hear (and see) people attempt to speak ill-fitting slang.
For those of you who can't translate this, he recommends the movie.
Update: 7/25/05
CK and I went to see this yesterday and Moviefone Guy was actually right on the mark (while being quite cheesy). CK posted a brief review on the fount.
For those of you who can't translate this, he recommends the movie.
Update: 7/25/05
CK and I went to see this yesterday and Moviefone Guy was actually right on the mark (while being quite cheesy). CK posted a brief review on the fount.
Sunday, July 17, 2005
Household Roles
Recently CK and I spent a night working on our hobbies. Both of us came away with residue from our hobby stuck under our fingernails. One of us had chocolate ganache remains and the other had wood stain. Stereotypes would place me slaving away in the kitchen and CK hard at work in the basement. Not so in our household.
When we got married, I secretly longed for the "Power Tool Party" that was thrown for CK. I was so excited to see what tools he reaped. He (I) got a circular saw, several ratchet sets, a power drill, a tool box, and oh, so much more! I could have done a happy dance seeing his (soon to be my) spoils! CK is the baker and chef in our house. Don't get me wrong, I cook, when I feel like it - which is rare. I do make a mean shrimp gumbo. If we decide on sandwiches, I am usually finished eating mine before he has even finished building his masterpiece.
I could spend hours browsing row by row of any hardware supercenter. CK on the other hand would much prefer the Beyond (kitchen wares) part of Bed, Bath, and Beyond. I could take an hour deciding on which laser tape measure I want; he could spend hours deciding on which pepper mill is better. I have burns and scars from hot glue guns and razors; CK has scars from hot ovens and sharp knives. Household roles are interesting.
When we got married, I secretly longed for the "Power Tool Party" that was thrown for CK. I was so excited to see what tools he reaped. He (I) got a circular saw, several ratchet sets, a power drill, a tool box, and oh, so much more! I could have done a happy dance seeing his (soon to be my) spoils! CK is the baker and chef in our house. Don't get me wrong, I cook, when I feel like it - which is rare. I do make a mean shrimp gumbo. If we decide on sandwiches, I am usually finished eating mine before he has even finished building his masterpiece.
I could spend hours browsing row by row of any hardware supercenter. CK on the other hand would much prefer the Beyond (kitchen wares) part of Bed, Bath, and Beyond. I could take an hour deciding on which laser tape measure I want; he could spend hours deciding on which pepper mill is better. I have burns and scars from hot glue guns and razors; CK has scars from hot ovens and sharp knives. Household roles are interesting.
Friday, July 15, 2005
I've turned into one of those people...
who order from HSN. I was trying to wake up yesterday and surfing the morning news when I passed the Home Shopping Network. On the screen was this man cutting glass, tile, marble, and much more with little or no effort.
Why sould I care? Because I spent the forth of July weekend cutting 100 tiny 1.5 inch eight sided mirrors for an order. While it wasn't too difficult, it looked much easier with his special tool. So, I ordered it yesterday. Will it exceed my expectations? Probably not. Will it meet my expectations? Probably not. Does it hurt to spend $20 to try it out? Probably not.
Why sould I care? Because I spent the forth of July weekend cutting 100 tiny 1.5 inch eight sided mirrors for an order. While it wasn't too difficult, it looked much easier with his special tool. So, I ordered it yesterday. Will it exceed my expectations? Probably not. Will it meet my expectations? Probably not. Does it hurt to spend $20 to try it out? Probably not.
I'm SO Excited!
And I just cant hide it...
But I can't blog about it yet. (No, Bamamammy, we are not yet providing you with grandchild number 7.)
But I can't blog about it yet. (No, Bamamammy, we are not yet providing you with grandchild number 7.)
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